by Alison Lee

Hey, Time. Take your wings off. It’s true; motherhood is the thing that leaves me breathless and not just in a “this-is-so-amazing” way but a “this-is-driving-me-insane” way. But Time, I don’t appreciate that you are flying by me. Intellectually, I know that you don’t drag your feet on purpose when I’m battling with the kids over whatever-they-are-choosing-to-fight-me-on-that-very-moment. I’m sure you don’t intend to soar over like an eagle on crack when we’re having fun. No, this time-whizzing-by-thing is all in my head. Or is it? Regardless, stop it. Stop deluding me into thinking I have plenty of you. I don’t. We don’t.

Speaking of delusion – can you explain to me how I turned 40 last year? Forty. That sounded so old when I was 21 (it is old to a 21-year-old). It sounded so far away. However, Time – what the hell? You slowed down the year my grandmother died. I wore black for 100 days and it felt like forever. She’s been gone 15 years, and it’s all at once so long ago and not really.

***

Ms. Confidence, I need to talk to you. Can you quit being tiresome? Can you pick up your wings, put them on like a big girl and take flight? I need you to do that because I have young children you see. Especially my daughter. I need her to know that her mother is confident – inside and out. I need her to see that I know I’m strong, healthy, intelligent, and beautiful.

You have to be one with my Dreams. Confidence plus Dreams equal Truth. I need to believe in myself. I need you to stand up and tell my Brain to stop telling me lies about what I can’t do or what I’m not. I need you to take charge. I need you to give me wings.

***

Ah, Dreams, can we chat? Why are you sitting there, your wings drooping on the ground? Why don’t you try them out a little? Give it a shake, take a cruise across the sky before you say you can’t. Dreams, you only transform when we take you out of our heads and put them into our hands. We have to mold you, show you off to someone, and work to watch you take off. It’s my fault, I know. I make you multiply but do nothing. You’re crowding around, waiting for me to make something of you. You’re waiting for me to change you into Reality and Truth.

***

Time, thank you for the past year. You showed me that I can do amazing things with what is given to me (which is the same as everyone else’s. Isn’t that a revolutionary idea?). Together with Confidence who finally put her wings on, we have made a little Dream come true – one which I did not even know I had.

This dream, this book that had to be published, with stories that had to be told. Timing and Circumstance came together. I took my dreams and strapped on my wings.

So here I stand. The Dream that was a seed. It’s here. In my hands. Dreams can come true. We’re not getting burned by the sun. It is bright, though, isn’t it? The light is good. Stay there. But if we need to come down and get real for a while, do. But don’t let our wings drop.

Let’s fly, baby.

 

Image: by Breno Machado at unsplash.com via Pexels.